I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I understand Curling. That high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
