my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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