Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are we still banned from the library?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
