do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
