I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
