you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
True strength comes from lack of pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
