Do you still have your period?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
