Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
