theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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