Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
