I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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