So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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