yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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