I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
