I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
