i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
