I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
