Soap is not a condiment
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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