its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
