Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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