i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
