Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
