Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
