see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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