yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
