My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
