there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
