True but thats because hes a fetus.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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