i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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