I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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