The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
