she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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