I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
