So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
