I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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