Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
