I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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