So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
