i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
