What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
