You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
