it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
