The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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