My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
