Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
