I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
