sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
