She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
