so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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