Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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