You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
