there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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