Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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